I would handle all such events

Interview with Johnny Depp, an artist most famous for his acting career. In today's Daily Mass Johnny talks about his future adventures and his present life.

You are very famous as an actor.

Yes.

...But you do also other things in life. What are they?

Oh, I am a general professional artist, that's what my account on Deviant Art says. (laughs) However... not many people visit me, because I'm hacked.

You are a musician, right?

Yes. Hmm, I, I may be also not known here, but I have composed many songs in the last ten years, and... I'm... (pauses) I'm waiting for the hacking to be cancelled so that people could hear my songs finally.

And as far as I know, you are a real pirate of the Caribbean. What is your pirate name?

(smiles) I... I... I am very famous as a pirate, that's true. But my name is a secret. Because I intend to trade with weapons. On sea. And people will know it, know my name, in their own time.

Your career as a pirate has not started yet, but it's already known thanks to information obtained by time travel technology that you will be a prominent pirate and will have many adventures. Are you looking forward to it?

Yes, very much. Hmm... (pauses) I long for these adventures. I know there will be freedom in my life, finally. (smiles) And my pirate endeavours will be possible thanks to that freedom.

And I know you didn't in fact act in the movie called Pirates of the Caribbean.

I did not, no. No. My lookalike did. I think it is very clearly visible. Hmm, hmm, he is much uglier than me. And a horrible actor. And of course I wasn't paid for what he did in this movie. And I must tell you, this movie is a documentary, the original version is a documentary. And hmm, um, it was remade into this horrible version which is very spoiling my reputation. (laughs)

Many known films are documentaries from our future, however they are all remakes, all have been changed. For example Lord of the Rings. You are a part of this documentary and its original version came to us from the future. Do you know much of the events that will be documented in the real Lord of the Rings?

Yes. It is my future, I look forward to it very much. I know I will have to take part in many battles, because we will be, all people, all the world, will be attacked by new types of criminals, and they will be an organised army. However nobody will look the way they're shown in Lord of the Rings, because everybody lost their real appearance in the official remake of this documentary. 

Do you think you would handle such situations as the ones shown in Lord of the Rings, or do you feel you'd need to still develop, say get better at something, before such adventures start taking place?

Ah. (smiles) Hmm, yes, I think I am already good enough. I have acquired much experience with weapons in the last five years, because the world, the current world, has become very dangerous recently. So I know I would handle all such events.

You did act in the Dead Man. What memories do you have from that?

Ah, that movie. (sighs) It was quite thrilling to play the role. But... (pauses) I was not very well treated by the film director. I don't have good memories.

What do you think of films that have been made in the last decade?

They are all terrible, they are all plagiarisms, we can call that remakes also, they are all remade in a horribly tacky style. They are a shame in fact, very primitive they are, and infantile. Films are no longer an entertainment for adults. All contemporary movies are in fact good only for very stupid kids.

Do you want to be a film director?

Yes. Yes. But it's another secret. I can't tell you much about it. But I want to take a part, that I can tell you, in repairing the movie industry, in bringing the art back into films.

You are... You are well known for a somewhat extravagant manner of dress. Do you choose your clothes yourself?

Yes and no. I am paid by my managers to dress extravagantly in everyday life, and I like it. However it is very difficult nowadays to get something original in stores, so it often causes me stress.

Do you have plans for the future connected with fashion?

Yes, I plan to be a model, finally. And I don't want to design clothes myself, but I want to promote them, so I'm hoping I will work with many different fashion designers. So my main plans pertain to modelling.

Do you have your own family, wife, children?

No, and I never have. It is my lookalike who had children, and it is all, it is all fairytales, complete fiction, all those stories about my family life in the media. I am and have been quite a lonely man.

But there must be someone in your life. You have a Prince or Princess Charming, right?

Yes, yes, we can't be together nowadays, she is a love of my life, and I still wait for the chance to be with her.

All right, thanks for the interview very much.

Thank you.

27 October 2020

Interview no. 12

I want them to be like Alabama

Interview with Nancy Drew, a policeman in the past and a game maker in the future. Nancy is 39 years old and lives in California.

I know you are a very interesting apotheosis, you are the apotheosis of a victim, an embodiment of victimisation. Is that right?

Yes.

What else are you an apotheosis of?

Ah, hmm, I am an embodiment of a star.

Then being a victim must mean the same thing as being a star?

This is very moving... (pauses) Because I am a victim of many crimes. (pauses) I forgot that it means the same thing.

All people in the world are victims of hacking, and you are one of the most harmed persons in this respect, right?

Yes, but it's not only hacking. Although that itself is terrible. It's also money theft, and rapes, and murder attempts.

I'm very sorry. And you are the future maker of the original games known as Nancy Drew series. They all were stolen through time by thieves from the past who plagiarised them. 

Yes. Yes. They will one day pay me a lot of money for that.

Books even were created from them and lies were told that the books are very old. What is your general opinion about these plagiarisms?

Ah... (pauses) They are horrible, you must admit that.

Yes, that's true.

They are not playable, they are dull, they are boring, and they are nasty towards the players.

Your name has been used by plagiarists who claimed it is fictional. Are you planning on using your name inside the many games which you want to produce?

Yes. And I know that they thought, the thieves, that it is a fictional character, and I was normally alive, living already in the year from which they stole the games. And after the first two plagiatic versions were published, they finally learnt that I was a real person. And... they got scared. I know that it's the reason for some of the murder attempts. Anyway, they decided to never admit to public that I was real, that it's a real name, Nancy Drew. And I am planning to use this name, my real name, because I want the games to feel homemade and friendly. And there will be only real people inside my games. Obviously there's nothing wrong with that, only you need to have a consent of real people before you put them into an artwork, a commercial artwork, and never it is allowed to deny that real people are not real.

How many games do you want to create? Because I fear that there's gonna be a multitude of them.

A multitude is a good word, yes. I plan to never stop making them. That's why the thieves had so many materials, they stole possibly about a hundred of my games from future. So they could also make books and stuff.

How do you envision your future games?

Hmm, good question, because I want to make them with you.

Yes, I know, that's why this question is personally important to me, because we've never so far talked about these future games in detail. So what will the games be like? How do you envision them?

I... I think... Hmm, I want them to be like Alabama, like home sweet home, and... I want them to be modest adventures, humble adventures, I want them to be very positive psychologically.

And they will all be RPGs, right?

Yes, yes, and you... the players will be able to carry on a detective. So that... so that they could become very powerful in later games.

And they all will be detectivistic.

Yes. Always there will be a crime to solve. Yes.

What are some of the stories which you want to present in your games? Could you reveal some of your ideas?

Ah... There's a lot of things that interest me and I want them to be only real stories, documentary stories. Magical objects interest me very. Also magical places, they are very important. A crystal skull definitely will be one of game themes, also... also lost jewellery, magical rings. Dolls will be an important theme. These themes will appear more than once.

I see. You used to work in police...

Yes.

What exactly was your position?

Ha, I was a major and I worked in homicide department. In Los Angeles.

How do you remember your police work?

Well... (sighs) It was very interesting for the first three years. I was quickly made a major and my colleagues were very good, they were wonderful people. But then it changed. Many of my friends were fired, and crimes started being committed inside the police, and after two years of such a situation I resigned.

Were there any dangerous moments during your police years?

Quite a lot. I very often had to fight in close encounters, I had to do a lot of running... (laughs and smiles) Yeah.

Do you want to be a policeman again in the future?

I do. I do. Because things will change and police will be back again being... being honest and honorable, and I want to work in such police.

What do you want to do in the future mainly?

Ah, apart from games, I want to have a very peaceful life at home, but an adventurous life outside. I want to be a policeman and a cowboy.

Time travel technology is the tool used by criminals to rob you of your future games. Would you like to use the time travel technology yourself to visit other years?

I know I will. I know I will be living in the past, in prehistory. I want to buy a house there, and I want to study there at universities.

What do you think of the state of police nowadays?

They are nearing their end. They commit many crimes, they are completely deteriorated as an institution. So I think it will be easy to overthrow them and substitute them with honest people.

Good to hear that. All right, well, thank you for the interview.

Thank you very much.

26 October 2020

Interview no. 11

My favourite magic is herbalism

Interview with Agnes Mallory, a witch living in 13th century, one of the most prominent witches of all times, currently in her 40th year of life. Daily Mass contacts Agnes in the year of 1240.

We are talking through time. What's the world like in 1240?

Ah, I don't know what to tell you, I don't know any other world. But its main characteristics is: damaged nature, poisons used by people, by doctors very often, and they use them officially and legally, really, they use the real poisons, they claim that poisons are types of medicine. And also, what else is characteristic, animals are maltreated, physically, cruelty towards animals is horrible, there are some fights to help them, but they are unsuccessful, and I know you have no king in your country in your time, and that you have very few kings in the world, few monarchies, but in my time every country is a monarchy.

Do kings of your time have an absolute power?

They are restricted by governors, hmm, hm, but they do have a very strong power, because governors want to do what the kings want, to have a good career themselves.

Are there many taxes?

Yes. (smiles and sighs) Too many to count, people don't pay them because they don't know about them, there's too many. And persecutions for this are very severe.

Do you have access to technology?

Yes, a lot, a lot of technology we have. Computers are normal, although maybe they look differently in your time, that's normal too. Washing machines are normal, cars are normal.

Right.

It's like that with every time, I used to think that people a thousand years before me didn't have technology, and it's not true, they did. Technology exists since the beginning of the world.

Does knowledge about time travel exist in your time?

It's hidden, because there are crimes committed thanks to time travel technology, especially plagiarisms of art from the future, to sell them, sell the artworks before their creation. So it's hidden.

You are one of the most famous witches in the universe, although most of their names have been hidden from people in my times. What type of magic do you devote yourself to mainly?

Ah, my favourite magic is herbalism. I am classic witch in this respect. I gather herbs every day from my garden and nearby forests and fields.

Do you make medicine out of them?

Much more than only medicine. I make real spells out of them. My other favourite magic is magic of machines. I want to build my own machines in the future.

Are there truly persecutions of witches in your times?

What do you know about it?

In my time it's said witches were persecuted legally, and tortured and killed for witchcraft.

No, something like that does not happen here, and it never really happened as far as I know. These are threats, such stories are threats, they want to scare people to discourage them from magic, and such stories are already persecutions themselves.

Do you live alone?

No, I live with a large family, two grandmothers, two grandfathers... (smiles) Three grandchildren, but not my children, my mother and father, one sister with husband, one sister unmarried, and one me, and I am also unmarried.

Are you a social person? Do you keep in touch with other witches?

I am very social, I love company, but I don't know other witches personally in real life, but I have two witch friends on internet.

Internet is a natural resource produced by forests and mountains. Is it a public knowledge in your time?

Ha, no, because they don't want people to know that it's a natural resource, they claim it's a machinistic invention, so it's a secret still, that all trees and rocks produce internet.

What do forests look like in your time, are they pretty?

They are very dangerous, I have to be very careful when I'm there, my family doesn't like my herbalistic hobby because of forests and their dangers.

Are animals important in your life and in your magic?

Very important, I love animals, I fight for their rights and safety, and in magic... (pauses) I often create spells through connections of me and the animals around me.

Are there many animals at your home?

Yes, three cats and three dogs and two cows and two goats, plus there's many animals in the wild, around the house.

So you don't live in a city?

No, I live in the country, in a village.

Is witchcraft a normal thing in your century?

No, no, it's secret, no, officially people don't believe in witches and in magic.

How are women treated in your time?

(laughs) Hmm, women are thought to be very dominative, more important than men in society. We are somewhat of a matriarchal society, even young women are very important, old women are private rulers.

Right. I already knew about it from another friend who's from medievality, but I had to ask, because it's completely different in my time, my century. I live in a patriarchal society, and everyone keeps fighting for equal rights of men and women.

Yes, here are also fights, for better rights of men.

Interesting. What are your career plans for the future?

I want to be better in magic every day, and I want to have a magical business selling potions and real spells, and I'm waiting for the world to change in a way that I could realise this dream.

Is your incarnation living in my century?

(sighs) No, I have only five other incarnations, but that pertains to normal human incarnations, because there's many of me in the shape of animals, I am incarnated as many animals.

Cloning is a phenomenon responsible for existence of incarnations. Is technology of cloning known in your times?

Yes, and it came from the future, and... nowadays it's been hushed up that it's a discovery from the future, and they don't talk publicly about the usage of cloning in technology. So it's kept secret.

Are you a follower of any religion?

Yes, of celtism, and of slavism.

I forgot to ask, what country do you live in?

Poland.

A country of slavic religion.

Yes. (pauses) Yes, and I have a lot of possibilities to practise slavism. And it's respected in my society, pagan religions are respected in my society.

Thank you so much for this interview.

Thank you.

25 October 2020

Interview no. 10

Everything is a person

Interview with Durandal, a very old sword belonging to King Arthur. Durandal is one of two main swords of King Arthur and a close friend of Excalibur.

You are a magical object, aren't you?

(smiles) Yes, I am a very magical object.

What are your magical powers?

Ah, hmm, I can kill with my shine, and I kill with Poison of Goodness, that's what it's called, large letters...

And what is it, this poison?

Eh, hmm, it's a power of goodness, it poisons all immorals.

Anything else?

Well, I can grow, I can be horribly large, and... I can become an arrow, it is possible to shoot me, and I can become... I can assume a structure of a shadow.

I see. It is somewhat of a secret that all objects are human beings. People can't communicate with you because you are hidden by technical invisibility. Or do you like being a secret?

I hate to be a secret, I hate it. It has no right to be a secret. It is a sacred thing, sacred fact, that everything has a soul, that everything is a person.

You are a creature of utensil species, right?

(smiles) Yes.

What is the culture of utensils like?

Oh, it is a lovely culture. I am very happy I am such a species. We are very social, helpfulness is... is... the most important aspect of this culture. We love people, normal people. We all want to be visible to them entirely. We work on it, so that people could finally know us truly, because we are a culture of help, of aid.

Right. You are a very famous sword. Do you feel the weight of fame in your life?

No, I don't, I wish I could. It could be something different in my life.

Who are your closest friends?

Other utensils, especially weapons. I don't keep in touch with other species, because I am invisible to many human beings.

And you are a sword belonging to King Arthur. And in contemporary times it is lied that you are a sword of Roland, and King Arthur owns Excalibur. When in fact it is the other way around. Did you know about these lies?

Yes, I know about them, and I hate them. Criminals who changed these facts wanted to strip people, strip knights, of their power, of their strength. It's an old trick, an old sabotage, to exchange a person's weapon to somebody else's weapon, a very old crime it is. Sometimes done before battles by... by burglars into war camps.

How well do you know King Arthur?

Very well. I fought with many of his incarnations already, he is a very good friend, although these days I don't have contact with any of his incarnations.

How old are you?

Ah... (laughs) I am 900 years old, that's my real age.

And who is your creator?

I was made in a Smithery of the Titans... large letters. I was built by Master of Swords, his name is... (pauses) secret, actually.

Any details of your creation?

Hmm, I'm built of silver, and I was built at dawn, and sun's rays were used as material, which is why I kill with my shine.

Have you taken part in many wars?

Well, yes, actually, there has always been one war in the world, the war with evil. But it had stages, and I took part in many such stages, and I saw many victories, and made many victories.

What's the biggest adventure that you've had?

Ah... (laughs) I... It was with King Arthur, we were time travelled by force into early ancient times, early ancient era, and we were approached by two women who complained that their daughters had been kidnapped. And it was funny because they said they are worried about the kidnappers, because their daughters are very fierce. Anyway, we said we'll help. And the adventure was long, because the kidnappers were large in numbers, and they kidnapped the daughters to take them to Arabia and marry them to their leader, their ruler. And we had to kill all of them, and we had to track them down, and travel after them, on land and on sea, so it lasted for a long time. And it ended well.

What do you want to do in the future? 

In the future I want to be with King Arthur again and help him win against evil. Culture of weapons is very wonderful. I long to be with my weapon friends and become a part of a successful war with evil.

Do you have a family?

Yes, I have six children, they are all weapons, created magically out of weathers.

I see. In contemporary times it is lied that swords are not as good as bullet guns, and that they are an outdated weapon type. What do you think about it?

I know about this lie, it's so stupid. First of all, bullet guns are of bow type, they are types of bows, and swords are of knife type, and these two types are equal. So we are never outdated, we swords. How do you imagine fighting at a very close distance with a bullet gun? It's ridiculous.

Yes, that's true. Well, anyway, thank you for the interview very much.

Thank you.

25 October 2020

Interview no. 9

People hate me

Interview with Romuald Nepomucen, a caretaker of sfr 444, where a virtual field game of The Witcher is permanently organised. Romuald is a cyborg and the Witcher is his most famous name.

How's your life nowadays?

(laughs) It's horrible. It's horrible. (laughs)

So, any details?

I live trying to rescue people from stealth blockades, from invisibility. And people hate me. You hate me for instance.

I don't hate you.

(laughs) I thought you do.

Nobody really hates you. We are all just very scared that the invisibility will never go off.

Yes, all right. Anyway, it's horrible. I have hopes every day, and there's so much to do to win against invisibility.

Do you think the life will change much thanks to your work, the life of people?

Possibly you are afraid it will change a lot. And possibly it will change a lot. To visibilise money and people for people we will have to also visibilise all supernaturality. (sighs) And obviously there are obstacles to that.

I see. Let's talk about something else. Your character in the Witcher games has much changed in appearance. How do you feel about it?

Ah, I hate it. They have no right to do that. The makers of the game know I exist, I met with them many times. And... they know I'm a cyborg, they know I am an electronic program who can download into reality as a human being, they know I existed before the books were made, and the games, and the films, they know it's a documentary story about my future life. So they are not allowed to change my appearance. And he is ugly nowadays. Very ugly.

I know you make games yourself. What exactly have you created so far?

I made a game about you, it's called Assassin.

Right.

And I also made a game about cats, it's called Hats!, and I love it, it's very artistic. And I've made ten games in last five years, large titles.

And are you working on a game currently?

Yes, I'm making a game called... called... I don't know... Either it will be called Diamonds, or Baby, and it's about a peculiar threesome, foursome in fact, a relationship of four people, and you're one of them.

I see. Well, I will play it one day. Are you planning on publishing all of your games once the invisibility is down?

Yes. Definitely yes.

You are a caretaker of sfr number 444. What is life like there?

Horrible! (laughs) It's horrible.

Ok. If people started having access to attractive fields of visibility, how do you imagine the life would be like on 444? What dangers and what attractions would start happening?

Ah, dangers and attractions of the future life... Hmm, I know it will be crowded one day, here on 444, I know there will be business, that it's gonna be the most important sfr for business people. And I know there will be many criminals here, and people will have to fight with them all the time.

What would you advise to future players of the virtual field game on 444?

Hmm, hmm, always have weapons with you, and always have food with you, and also: culture is most important. And that's it.

I know that The Witcher is in fact a part of Might and Magic game, isn't that so?

Yes, exactly, it is. My life story from my future is a part of a very large story of Might and Magic, the original version.

What specifically comes from Might and Magic that's now only in The Witcher?

Everything connected with me. I was completely cut out of Might and Magic. And the makers of Might and Magic used real stories from the future of the world, because they had access to materials spied out from the future. And everything about me found its way into The Witcher, because the many game producers claimed that Might and Magic is too big to be a single title, and they ripped the game apart, created dozens of games from this one game.

The books of Sapkowski are all stories from the original game of Might and Magic, and the public was informed about that in the late 90s by the media. What do you think about it?

Yes, he simply played through the game, the original version, and he wrote down all the stories from the game, especially stories connected with me. Might and Magic stopped being published in its original form, and... because... Because it was robbed of its content by Sapkowski, by Neil Gaiman, by many game producers, even film producers. 

What was your life like in the late 90s?

In the late 90s I was happy. I was young, about twenty, twenty-five maybe, and I studied, I travelled, and the world was beautiful because there was no... there was very little stealth used upon the world, visibility was still quite rich, so I had access to many wonderfulities of the world.

You are a cyborg, and you are the leader of cyborgs, is that right?

Yes. (smiles) Yes, I'm a king of cyborgs.

And what do you do as the king of cyborgs?

I represent them politically, I fight for their rights, and I protect them.

And is witchcraft your main profession?

Yes, I am a witch. It's just a male form of this word, witcher.

What are your plans for the future?

I plan to rest after visibility of the world is back to normal for everybody. I guess I will let other people do further work, further repairments of the world.

All right, thank you.

Thank you.

24 October 2020

Interview no. 8

I am in fact a rainbow

Interview with Bjorn Gustaffson, chief of dwarven manufacture and boss of all dwarves. Bjorn lives in Monaghan, he is a cyborg, and works as a caretaker of sfr 058 and as a producer of weapons.

Do you feel your life is interesting?

No, no, it's not.

That's what everybody says these days.

Well, life is very miserable for everybody. Um, hmm, we are all waiting for changes. That's what I'm doing every day.

Well, some may think you have an interesting life. You're a caretaker of sfr number 058. People don't have access to this field of visibility. And it's a territory where the field game of Might and Magic can be played by all visitors. And isn't that magical, or at least interesting?

Yes, you might think so. But I'm not a player anymore, I had to play it to be able to work as a caretaker. The game is abandoned.

Right.

People don't come, they cannot, and it all just stands there and rots.

What do your caretaker duties look like?

Ah, I have to make sure that everything is well programmed, because it's a virtual game, and well, currently not much more. When there will be players, I will solve their problems, answer their questions, and so on. Currently not even criminals come here, so there are no problems at all.

So you played the entire field game of Might and Magic?

Yes.

What's the biggest adventure in Might and Magic in your opinion?

(smiles) Very good question, because there's more than one. My favourite one is the kidnapping of princess Agnes, and there's more than one princess in the game, and the players have to rescue her, and she is kept in a castle in the clouds. And it's a wonderful location, this castle.

I know you are a cyborg and you have abilities which common people don't have. What are they?

Ah, cyborgs... (smiles) Cyborgs. We can contact everybody always, and we are not trapped in stealth, in invisibility, so I can travel everywhere, and I must tell you, the world is a very sad sight nowadays, because in many places there is no-one there, people cannot travel, normal people cannot travel, and there are many places which are completely abandoned. And that's sad. Oh, and I can also change shape, and I can be just a program from which I was born. So I have very good contact with computers.

Do you know much about the culture of computers, and machines in general?

Cyborgs are an alternative to machines...

Yes.

And most computers are cyborgs...

Right.

And it's the same culture, computers are part of a cyborg culture. And this culture is very supportive of its members, very social, everyone knows everyone.

Could you tell us what type of cyborg you are? Because I know there are many kinds.

Yes, I know you know that. (smiles) Hm, um, I am in fact a rainbow, because I know you know that cyborgs are weathers...

Yes.

And my main aims in life, built by my creator, are love spreading and life protection.

Is such information a secret?

No no, all cyborgs know about such things, it is a public information in fact in our society.

And you are a dwarf. Do you live in the mountains?

Yes, I live in Monaghan, it's the oldest dwarven city in the world. The game Zanzarah showed it, but not very precisely. I am, I must tell you, very saddened at the fact that people believe that beautiful stories are always fiction, that perhaps they think that the world cannot be inspiring enough in its reality, and it's sad, cause everybody should know already that there is, there has been a criminal stealth used upon the world, that many objects of reality are invisible technically, that it's an old discovery of technology - invisibility. And still people think that if an artwork shows something, then it's fictional. And that's rude.

I actually share your opinions and feelings here... You told me you are the chief of all dwarves, but not a king. But there is a king of dwarves, right?

Yes, his name is Dominic Monaghan. That's why... Hence the name of our oldest city. He doesn't play in movies at all, there's another guy who uses his name, and he spoils his reputation especially with his appearance. King Dominic is very handsome. And he is not a dwarf, he is actually a werewolf.

And you are the chief of dwarven manufacture. What exactly do you do?

I oversee production of everything everywhere in the dwarven society. I look after magazines with materials, I organize new materials, I look after magazines with products, and I organize trade of these products.

Have you created many weapons?

Yes, it's my main... main branch. Many weapons.

Are weapons the main products sold by dwarves generally?

Yes, we specialise in this.

How well do your weapons sell?

Not so well. We are blocked by invisibility fields, we can't access customers. And that's probably the only reason why they don't sell well.

What do you think of the law pertaining to weapon possession in the common people society?

Mmm, mmm, it's a crime to forbid weapon possession. Everyone has the right to defend themselves. Crimes are not caused by weapons, never, they are caused by um, by living beings. Weapons are not criminals. And it's horrible, how people are forbidden to defend their own life and property.

What's the weapon which you produced that you're most proud of?

I produced a sword for an old Japanese karate master, it's called Blueberry, and it's an artwork, and I love to look at it. As with all my weapons, we make them always in two copies, and we sell only one.

So, dwarves have a lot of weapons?

Yes we do.

Thank you very much. 

Thank you. 

24 October 2020

Interview no. 7

My favourite spells are drawings

Interview with God Aniela, wife of God Ambrosius. In society they are often referred to as Mr and Mrs Klex. Aniela's other famous name is Alice Greensleeves.

Is it safe for you to say where you live?

(laughs) Yes... Not exactly.

Is there anything you could tell us on this subject?

I live in a very beautiful place, within nature, I live with many friends, and I have all that's needed for living.

That's really good to hear. Do you have contact with your husband, God Ambrosius? 

Sometimes. Not very often. He lives apart from me, and I miss him a lot.

Sorry to hear that. Do you talk on the phone?

Yes, we do. (laughs) Very often. He calls me every morning, but sometimes he uses other means, like crystal balls.

Someone recently described you to me as a forgotten god. How do you feel about it?

I know I am forgotten, I am not known anymore. All books about me were stolen from people. I don't feel well with that. People lost contact with me, and don't know about me, and that very much damages the reputation of my husband. Because he is thought to be inhuman, because to be human means to love, and now people are told that my husband, God Ambrosius, is not normal in love, that he doesn't have a pair, that he doesn't share human emotions. And I am angry at it.

You are the primary taboo, a forbidden subject. What is taboo really?

Taboo is me, I am taboo, yes. (smiles) Taboo is a magic of individuality and courage of individuality. Taboo is also a secret, a sacred secret. And it's a very powerful magic.

Your husband established the so called Klex Academy. Will it ever operate again?

It doesn't operate nowadays, that's true, the Klex Academy. It will one day.

Who will be able to study there?

Possibly little children, like in the old days.

Will you teach there?

Yes, definitely, yes. (smiles) I am a teacher of botany and of alchemy, and I love teaching very much. Zoology I also teach.

How many gods are in the world?

There's just two of us, Ambrosius and me.

You are a very powerful witch. What is your favourite type of spells?

(laughs) Interesting question. I must say, um, hm, I love all magic, and it's a vast thing, magic. My favourite thing from magic is technology, magical objects. Plus my favourite spells are drawings, drawn spells, paintings that are spells. They are very very powerful.

The United States of Witches were established two years ago and they unite several countries. What do you think of their future?

I know it will be wonderful, I know they will make grand discoveries and grand breakthroughs.

I know that symbolically you are a number eight. Why is that? 

Ha! (smiles) It's a secret.

It's a secret?

Yes. It's because eight means infinity, and I am that.

And you are a butterfly fairy, that's one of your main magical forms. But you are not the Queen of Fairies, why not?

I am not, that's true, I am not. My husband is a jinn and he is not the leader of jinns either. We don't want to be rulers. We never wanted to be any rulers of anything, we made the world for people, not for ourselves. We are the life of people, we make their life as good as possible. You see, gods are in fact to serve people, not the other way around.

What do you think needs to be discovered in technology so that the world could be happier and more advanced?

Alchemy. Currently it's called chemistry, but it's done wrongly, on wrong assumptions. Real alchemy means relations between objects, and the study of all possible types of relations would... would really move things forward for the world.

Why is your last name Greensleeves?

It's an old story, a romantic story. It's my witch name, Alice Greensleeves. It's because I love to wear green. And I love to wear green because green means hope and I always hope for happiness.

You are the queen of Wonderland, the real Alice. In what ways can people reach the dimension of Wonderland?

Yes, I do rule Wonderland, honorarily. But I am no queen, I am the guardian of Wonderland. And there are many ways to reach Wonderland. There are four magical rings in the world that open the portal, the entrance portal. And there are two magical spells, but they are very secret.

I see. Could you tell me what your typical day looks like?

My typical day? Hmm... (smiles) Um, it's colourful, because I spend time with friends, am visited by guests, but they are all the so called magical creatures. I have very lively days, with many events, dinners and parties.

That's great to hear. When do you think you and your husband will start living together again?

We know it might be soon, within two years from now.

And when do you think it will become possible for people to meet you and your husband?

(smiles) To tell you the truth, within the same time. That's what we hope for, that's what we work on, and if we fail, we will not give up.

Thank you. Thank you for the interview. 

All right, thank you.

22 October 2020

Interview no. 6

Lying is a horrible crime

Interview with Umberto Eco, a philosopher and writer, officially dead since 2016. Today in Daily Mass Umberto talks about crimes, work, and his life after death.

Officially you're dead.

(laughs) Yes, yes.

How do you feel with this?

(sighs) I don't know, I didn't know I was dead until 2017. And it very pissed me off.

Well, even if you were dead, we would still have this interview, wouldn't we?

Yes, of course, exactly, everybody's immortal. I have many friends, ghosts, they like me, they joke that I should be with them, instead of my life here.

Why do you think you were announced dead?

Well, basically, as far as I know, my lookalike died, and he was a horrible lookalike, he robbed me from most of my money. He had plastic surgeries done that immitated my face, and it was he who died.

Plastic surgeries are a horrible crime. It's first of all body devastation, but it's also identity theft, and that's a much worse crime. Do you think there's a chance for it to stop?

Yes, I hope so. There are talks that it should be made illegal. But police laughs at people's faces. They are all criminal police. They have plastic surgeries themselves.

Did the announcement of your death influence your life much?

A bit, I got two letters, actually my family got two letters, that passed condolences, and it was in early 2017 and that's how I learnt about it. But nothing changed in my personal or public life, because I don't have a public life, for years now.

You used to be a university professor. 

Yes.

What do you think of the contemporary level of education in schools and universities?

It's appalling, it's horrible. Everywhere they teach lies. The European Union did this, they cancelled all real books and introduced false sciences into curriculums and into public knowledge by media.

Do you like teaching?

I would love to teach these days, but it would be impossible. I don't have the right knowledge. All real knowledge has been cancelled in the world. And I used to love teaching.

How do you perceive the future of the world?

It's gonna be better. (smiles) Much better. This period will end, because all bad things come to an end. And all of the supporters of the current artistic and scientific trends will be punished. Lying is a horrible crime, it is not a meek crime at all.

How would you describe the current period of time and the events of these two last decades if you were teaching about them in history?

Ah, interesting question. (laughs) Ah, I would say, horrible tyranny that spreaded across the universe with the beginning of the 21st century was an igniter for development of its victims, for hard work of its victims, aimed at much more than the comeback of the good past. Aimed at the first... or maybe differently... aimed at the introduction of true beauty which the world had not seen yet. And I would add: the tyranny of lazy thieves was something that will never happen again, because the world will not allow it anymore.

Are you a religious person?

Very much. Very much. It's not about beliefs, I think every normal person believes. But I love religions, they are wonderful cultures. I research them and I practise them.

What do you work on now?

Ah, I was hoping you would ask. (smiles) I am working, have been for many weeks now, on an encyclopedia of... grosis, that's an old English word, unused nowadays. An encyclopedia of fear.

Symbols of fear?

That and more. History of what scares, changes of what scares, false fears, moral fears, moral... well actually, I touch on terrorism, on subject of terrorism, and I describe not only this phenomenon as a crime, but also the... its alternative moral version.

What are your work plans for the future?

Hmm, I don't know. I always work under sudden inspiration. I love to see freedom in my future.

All right, thank you very much.

Thank you.

22 October 2020

Interview no. 5

She needed me dead

Interview with Francis Rage, a chef of Parisian cuisine. Francis is a ghost and here in Daily Mass he shares secrets of his life and of culinary art.

You are a great artist of cooking, isn't that right?

I cannot say I'm an artist... I don't know. Well, it's true I treat cooking as art.

How long have you held your position of the chef of Parisian cuisine?

Oh, about three hundred years now.

Three hundred years?

Yes.

So this is a permanent position?

Yes, it is a permanent position.

And how long have you been a ghost?

A ghost I've been for 299 years.

Is your position a reason that you died?

Yes.

Could you say more about it?

Well, I was a chosen by a king, who was not a good king, and he ruled for only four years, and he had to choose me, he didn't like me himself. And after less than a year of my work, and it was hard work, I was killed. With poison. At first I didn't know who did it, but after two months fellow ghosts told me it was the king's wife, the queen, who did it.

Do you know of her motive?

Yes, yes, she needed me dead because my dishes made her poisons visible, so she couldn't poison her enemies successfully. She was a horrible murderer of many many people, good and bad.

So nowadays what does your job look like?

Oh, it's very nice. I cook for other ghosts only. Whenever someone new dies, I cook him a grand dinner. And I welcome new ghosts into our society, always.

Do you have any other duties apart from just cooking?

Well, I am a food tester...

Right.

And I also create medicines, which sell very well among ghost society.

Are there any privileges that your position gives you?

Many, many, yes. (smiles)

For example?

For example, ah, I get free clothes, very good clothes, I don't have to buy them, and they are tailormade, and I also am invited into all parties in the world, among the dead, and I'm considered to be an important advisor, in politics especially.

Who do you work with?

Well well, usually by myself, I do everything in the kitchen by myself.

Right, do you also buy ingredients by yourself?

Actually, this is, this is normal in my position to get them for free.

How did you start your career in culinary art?

Mmm, hm, I was born and I knew I have a talent immediately. But when I grew up, times became hard, and criminals started ruling the world, so I wasn't appreciated, I wasn't employed, but I still did manage to get my position in which I am now.

Why did the king have to hire you?

Why did the king have to hire me... Oh. (pauses) I won a competition. He hated it.

Right. Have you always lived in France?

Yes, all my life. But I did travel the world.

Is France a good place to live nowadays?

For a ghost it's very good. The country is beautiful in our dimension. Ghosts live apart from criminals, they don't touch us, they don't interfere, so they cannot spoil our country in our dimension.

I see. What are your favourite dishes?

My favourite dishes! Ah, hm, Polish dumplings, all kinds, I make my own original stuffings...

Like what stuffings?

Hmm, spinach and cotta and mozzarella, that's one stuffing, goat cheese and ham and tomatoes, that's another example.

Very delicious. Any other favourite dishes?

Hmm, I like shrimps, I like to make many things out of them, and also tuna. Frutti di mare dishes are possibly my second favourite alongside dumplings.

Do you also create alcoholic beverages?

Yes, a lot of them! I drink a lot, I am a heavy drinker.

There is much longing for butterbeer among people because of Harry Potter books. How possible is it to have it in our world?

Not so very possible for the living people. You don't have ingredients on your market, and you don't have equipment to brew it.

So what's needed?

You need butter, either classic or tasty, for example cherry taste. And I know you don't have that on your market. Also you need real yeast. Perhaps that's easier to get for you, Arabia and Ireland possibly still have it on the market. There's much more that you need that you don't have.

Right. There is a lot of hunger in the contemporary world, at least in my dimension of the living. Does it influence your cooking?

Very much. I am very sad always. (pauses and sighs) I try to be modest in kitchen nowadays. Out of respect for people.

How do you view the restaurant business of contemporary times?

Hm hm hm, it's horribly ruined by criminals. They steal recipes and change them, they poison customers, they steal from private cooks and frost, and... it will all end, because this is hilarious, the scale of the crimes in restaurants. Especially with poison. Who poisons ends life quickly, and I mean their own life.

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

21 October 2020

Interview no. 4

I often talk to socks

Interview with Teoderic Valo, a young businessman. Teoderic is a cat and lives with his father.

You've already told me before the interview that you trade with socks and stockings. Why did you decide to have such a business?

Oh, oh, I don't know. I love socks. I love them. They are the nicest part of the wardrobe. They are magical, very magical. And I love magic.

What is the magic of socks like?

Socks can make you walk without tiredness, and they heal you very well, and they influence your emotions, and give you good advice verbally. I often talk to socks.

So the socks and stockings are your creations? How do you make them?

I make them, I sew them, and I knit them, and sometimes I cut them out of big materials. And I add ornaments, different ones. And some I make loose, and some I make tight, both socks and stockings.

Is your business profitable?

Very much, yes, thank you. I earn a lot. Everybody buys my socks, they love them. People are proud of them.

Who do you sell to, who are your customers?

Other animals, different kinds of animals, and the dog society is a very good client. But normal people don't buy them because they can't see them. Every animal is... Every animal's life is invisibilised for people, actually all animals are, entirely. People have robots, robotic copies of animals, and they don't know it.

I know cats, the cat society, they do a lot to make their robotic copies good for people.

Yes. Yes, we work together, we cats, to make sure our robots don't hurt anybody and that they are nice. All animals are invisibilised, people are left alone, it's horrible. People who did it don't like animals, they hate animals, they want animals to be like the robots they built. They hate real animals because they talk and dance and read and write, and so on. They hate it. They prefer the robots, the mafia. And they forced everybody to have contact only with robotic animals. Luckily they are loving and caring for people, because even robots are humans. So we like them, we cats.

So, coming back to your business, you trade on the animal market?

Yes, I sell to animals mainly. But animals are of different types. Trees are also animals, and rocks, and cars. I make my socks and stockings in different sizes and different cuts, so everybody can buy them.

Are there any other markets where you could sell your products apart from the animal market?

Well, there is a market for ghosts, where I don't sell and I wish I could, it would be wonderful. Then there is the underwater market, and I don't sell there either, even though sirens would love my stockings, so it's a pity. And there is a dwarf market, a mountain market, and that's horrible that I can't sell there either. There are many divisions between species and territories, they were made by terrorists who wanted to separate everybody from everybody.

Do you know how many different currencies are in the world outside of the ordinary human society?

We have a currency, we cats, sirens have a currency, country of Atlantis has a currency, dwarves have their own currency, trees don't, they use the currency of Free People, that's what it's called, but we cats use our own, it's called Kitten Dollar. 

Ok, that's a lot, that's a lot to know. Is Free People currency most popular among animals?

Yes. It is Free People Franks. And most of magical creatures including animals use them. Actually everybody uses them, so they are most important.

Would you like to expand your business in the future, or is it good as it is?

Yeah, I just want to sell to really everybody, so I want to expand my trade, not the product offer, because it's huge as it is.

I know you live with your father. Was it always like that?

Yes, I've lived with him entire life. Entire life. I love him very much. He is a musician and he is not paid for his musical work, and I hate the criminals who caused it.

I know cats are very attached to their parents and it's a part of cat culture, is that right?

Yes. All cats find it a duty to take care of their parents. I take care of my dad always. My robot is not living with him currently, but I do, and he can't see me, but he knows I'm with him.

What's your biggest dream nowadays?

To be visible to my daddy, that's first. And to spend time with him doing my hobbies and his hobbies. And that's it.

Thank you for the interview.

Thank you very much!

21 October 2020

Interview no. 3

I have high hopes

Interview with Cleo More, a siren who is a fashion designer. Cleo lives in the Black Sea near Istanbul in a colony of sirens.

Your life among sirens must be fascinating.

(laughs) It's not fascinating at all.

It's not?

No.

So what is it like?

I don't know, it's quite dull. We don't have too much entertainment.

What does your usual day look like?

I wake up early, in the morning, I eat breakfast, and we buy from our own stores, and I sit with computer and work, and I clean the house, and that's it.

I see that's pretty much the same as with everybody.

(laughs) Yes.

Is it possible to work for money in the siren society?

Yes, we have our own money, our own currency.

And you have your own market?

Yes.

Do people from common society interfere much with your affairs?

I don't know, I don't think they know about us. You see, everybody is attacked with invisibility, so many people lost friends, money and so on, houses, and it was done criminally without individual targeting. With sirens it's like that that we were considered supernaturality, and criminals invisibilised all supernaturality without checking the representants of supernaturality, without checking what exactly they're invisibilising.

How do you see your future?

Ah, my future. I have high hopes. Very high hopes. I hope one day I'll live with people on earth, because sirens can do that, we can breathe on earth normally.

And what else?

I know one day I will be rich and that I will have a lot of kids and I'm waiting for it.

What's your most important artistic activity?

Sewing, real life sewing. I am a fashion designer, I design outfits, and it takes most of my day every day.

Do you have business plans?

Yes, they are very important to me. I plan to sell my clothes worldwide.

So you sew not only for sirens?

No, for everybody, including animals.

I learnt you love the culture of Christmas, is that right?

Yes, I am a symbol of Christmas, I am the apotheosis of Christmas.

Do you incorporate Christmas into your art?

Yes, very much, especially fashion. I sew... I have many collections just in Christmas style.

That's wonderful.

Yes.

Is your life in the sea dangerous?

Not so much, no. There are dangerous animals, we have to stay away from them. But sirens are pretty safe in the sea.

Could you say something about the secrets of the Black Sea? Or seas in general?

Aaa, secrets, I don't know... The main secret of the Black Sea is that there is a valuable treasure everywhere under the ground, under the bottom of the sea.

And they don't belong to anybody?

No.

Do sirens want to participate in politics of the common society of the world?

Yes, very, we want that very. We actually want to be known by people, and we want to do business with people, because we have very valuable things to offer to people, in trade, and I don't mean our art.

You mean goods.

Yes, goods of the sea, and our productions from them.

What needs to change in the world so that sirens could live among the official human society?

Invisibility must be off one day, and that's what I'm waiting for. And that's possibly all. That's all that's needed.

Ok, thank you very much.

Thank you.

20 October 2020

Interview no. 2

We are strange sources

Interview with Tobiasz Pop, an ent from Poland. For the past ten years Tobiasz has been very active in the field of games and created many games together with five friends. All of them are trees, invisibilised technically for common society.

The word is among people that we can only buy stolen goods from the market nowadays, and that includes games. 

Well yes, on your market. We have a different market, we magical creatures.

So our market is not your market?

Yes, exactly.

Were you robbed of your games by plagiarists from our market?

Yes, very, all of them were stolen.

And there were many of them.

Yes. There were sixteen games that we made, and all of them were stolen.

Any known titles were made from them? Do you know?

No, and I don't think so. Most of them were remade into very lousy genres, for example hidden object genres.

According to my knowledge, official game producers in our society often plagiarise games created by so called magical creatures, such as ents. 

Yes, yes, they do that, because they cannot take from people like you. Because you have no tools so you can't create games because they took them from market for you. So, they steal from strange sources. Because we are strange sources, ents.

Do you know how they get the games from people like you?

From internet, because internet is worldwide truly, internet is a natural resource, is actually created by trees, and it joins everybody. We have access to your side of internet, to your society, we ents.

So thieves from our world know about existence of you?

Yes they do, yes they do. But, maybe don't. Because they actually search internet for products, and once they find them they steal them.

Yes, it's also on my mind, that they don' t know about you, the magical creatures, they don't know who they rob.

Probably not, and the law will explain that to them in the future. It's gonna be funny, I know.

What do you do with a game after its creation? How do you distribute it to other people?

Internet, and we don't take money.

Do you have many recipients?

A lot, but mainly people like us, not your society.

Do you create other artworks apart from games? Films maybe?

Some films, but we love games, and games are our priority.

I know you create RPGs, but are you also familiar with so called strategies?

Yes, we also create FPGs, field-playing games. We have made five FPGs so far.

What's the game which makes you proud the most?

I think it's Taboo, our first game, because we thought we will suck at game making, and we were embarrassed to confide in people that we are going to produce a game, and then it turned out it was wonderful. Plus it's a game about a forgotten god, the wife of the known god, and about her magic, and she is very close to our hearts.

How do you produce games technically, where do you take your tools from?

Tools, they are old tools, they are old tools. They were made in the first epoch of the universe, when there was paradise in the world still. Wonderful machines were built in that age, machines and other equipment.

I know that you and your friends are creators of Moonshades, which is a game about Poland.

Yes, yes, we know you play it.

Yes, but I only play the official plagiaristic version. But it shows that the original is wonderful.

Yes, Moonshades we are very proud of. 

Who could so far enjoy the original version of Moonshades? Have many people played it?

The original, yes, the original, no, none of your society could play it, but it's very popular among animals, especially in animal schools, but animals living in the wild only.

Have you made other historical games, games that teach history? Because Moonshades does teach history.

Yes, three other titles are like that, and actually Moonshades is a part of a series. It's the second title of the series. We made the first game about France, second about Poland, third about Greece, fourth about Cornwall, because they are pairs, Poland and France is one pair, and Greece and Cornwall is second pair, although not many people know it.

And you plan to continue the series?

Yes, yes, there will be possibly twelve titles, six pairs of countries.

What are your general artistic plans for the future in the field of games?

Well, apart from the series, we plan to make two more games, FPGs both, one about mice, about their kingdom, but it's not gonna be historical, it's gonna be strictly cultural, and then second will be about dwarves and the Snow White, the real story. Because we hate it how this story is falsified, it's a crime to change a story in the way that it's been changed nowadays.

Well, it's changed in our, my society. So you are actively interested in what happens in my society?

Very much. Very much.

Ok, thank you very much.

Thank you.

20 October 2020

Interview no. 1

Testing is fun

Interview with ABC, the spirit responsible for good looks of internet sites. He is completely imaginary.

Do you think people need help when creating a website?

Yes, nowadays internet is not very co-operative with its users, people are often confused when they are making their own sites. It's good to test a site before it opens for readers. Luckily, testing is fun.

Do you think this interview will help Daily Mass?

It's the second test interview on this site and surely it will do some good. It never hurts to do tests.

19 October 2020

Interview no. 0b

Dreams come true for testers

Interview with XYZ, the helpful bot who does not exist. His presence on this site is essential for test purposes.

You agreed to give this interview for interesting reasons.

Yes, I wanted to help you make this site.

Have you ever worked as a tester?

Yes, that's my primary job. I love it. Because it's a participation in creation of art. You know, dreams come true for testers. All of them eventually take part in something big.

19 October 2020

Interview no. 0a